eNVy Comics!

Dear Internet
I must proclaim my love for thee,
How thou sweeps me off my feet
With all the porn that one can see
How one’s Loneliness is gone
practically unnoticeable
once thou playing WoW is done.
Oh, Internet, how i do wonder
How dos`t thou function
how dost thou see down yonder
Oh internet, my heart does beat
when you show me all you have
and i shake about my meat
Internet, how i love your memes
lolcats, roflcopter, rickroll
Society loves thee it seems
Internet, why does thou not sing
when one is so cheerful cracking
and overloading with Ping?
Oh, internet, why doesn’t thou punish all dickhole?
by torment and hell
and sending them pictures gotse’s hole?

Internet, how we love thee!

Well today I took a stroll along down to Late Tahoe… I got to drive with no adult supervision what so ever! And we went to a McMierda (aka McDonalds, mierda means shit…) And I stood there dumbfounded at the mass majority of my family that was just piling in that sun-bitch. So when I finally got to ordering I ordered an Angus burger (I decided to try it out)… I came to the conclusion that all the burgers taste like shit. I mean, they all taste exactly the same. The only difference I found in that Angus piece of shit was that the meat patty was bigger… like twice as big… And then I bled from my elbow because I hit it against a chair (not intentionally) but it didn’t really hurt. And then we started a spit ball fight amongst all of us young-ins. It was fun. And I didn’t realize that this is a shitty ass post until I got to this point… It’s not I’m not going to post it up, not like any one else is posting anything lately. So here it goes. I went fast, oh so very berry fast on the way back. I was like lightening, if lightening went about 70 miles per hour on a road with many easy turns going down hill on top of a mountain… And I passed my mother, whom of which was leading me in a different car, and I left her in the dust!! I was like That Gordon guy only faster, a lot faster! I think I broke the sound barrier too. And then I went to Guitar Center, Gamestop, and finally Target before heading home…

The End.

Editor’s Note

You forgot the part where your mother beat the shit out of you, and you had to go buy new pants.

I finally got around to posting this, it’s been done for like almost a month (I predict) and I was too lazy to copy and paste…

So this Sunday I was at church right? Yea boring I know. Anywayz I was just sitting there just pondering the fact that that shit is boring as hell. I figured there really is no point in going to church. I mean I don’t want to call it pointless and a waste of time (yea… I’m calling it pointless and a waste of time) but I just don’t like it. In truth, I’d rather go do something else… Like go on a boat trip to Las Vegas and get totally trashed in a submarine just to throw something in there of something I was planning on doing in the near future. Any who, I was just sitting there, staring off into the distance, spacing out (no it wasn’t those space brownies I had before I went to make it more interesting that made me space out) and I thought to myself. “Wow, devout ‘Christians’ (mostly consisting of white folk whom of which are Republican) sure are a bunch of fucking hypocrites. I think I’ve been through this already at school with my home boyz from da hood (we go hella way back yo!) about how Republicans (as you know are mostly very very very religious) are all for the bunches of wars and killing the commies, blacks, jews, hispanics… did I forget anyone? Oh right, how could I forget the infamous and notorious terrorists (dem bitches are crazy). I mean, not to question anybody’s beliefs or anything… well, yea that’s actually what I’m doing, but what has HE ever done for me, or anybody else for that matter? It’s like God is a pimp yo! How? I don’t know but he just seems like it. I found that Christians are like bitches, they just can’t get der chit str7+1. It’s like everything just has to revolve around them. And believe it or not, this country is built on the Christian religion. It’s like they deliberately say random ass shit and say Praise the Lord! You might as well pass the ammunition right there. We all know we’re headed for war. It’s inevitable! Luckily I have a zombie plan all ready to go on command. My plan is universal (meaning it works anywhere in the universe) and it’s perfect. It’s so perfect it makes god look like a Mexican politician! Get it? Because dey say that god is perfect! Lolz! I laugh. All they can do is fuck shit up. It’s like modding an original xbox but instead of installing one of the custom dashboards like; XBMC (Xbox Media Center), Unleash X, or that other one that I can’t remember the name of, and putting in the exact same dashboard in a different color. What does it do to you? It makes you look like a dumbass for not putting in something better. And what does that mean? It means you’re fucked. You can’t play on xbox live because it’s modded, and now that it’s modded it sucks even more because you suck so much that you couldn’t put in an actual new custom dashboard and you forgot to back up your eeprom so when you fuck it up even more you can’t format a new HDD to it because every xbox motherboard is locked with it’s corresponding hard drive. So that’s about it…

Editor’s Note:

…also, holy shit, the hard drives are signed to a specific motherboard? i learned something today!

If you haven’t noticed, I kinda tend to make this shit up as I go along, it’s just my thing, and you can’t take that away from me!! Well back to the point. The other day I went to go take my driver’s test (which I pwnd), and I passed! Wow! the many things I can do now such as but not limited to being able to deliver my drugs (which costs extra of course since these outrageous gas prices aren’t going down anytime soon) and go to the store! And well pretty much anything else you can think of… except drunk driving, that shit is just bad… Any who, once I passed my test the nice lady told me to take a number and wait with the rest of the nine hundred people also there for shit such as but not limited to getting new plates or renewing their license. So there I am, all to my lonesome (not really, I was with my mom and sister) when suddenly my number comes up! It’s like I’ve won the lottery! It’s amazazing what the human mind is capable of (I sometimes wonder what OS it’s running, what the specs are and if it ever crashes…) because the excitement building up to that moment wasn’t really that exciting. When I went up to yet another counter place all they pretty did was verify the records of my test and gave me a piece of paper. It would honestly be a lot fast if the did this at the counter where you go to take the test in the first place. After that, they told me to get in line… what a surprise! There was only one other person in that line of which was specified for me to enter, but that dumb part was that I waited yet another almost ten whole minutes.. And you know what that line was for!? The picture that goes on your drivers license. Yea, it’s like we’re living in the fucking olden days now. You don’t even get to see what you look like, if the picture came out good, or if there was a secret booger hanging down your nose until you get it two to three weeks from the date you took it. I’m like WTF! Fucking capitalism, you don’t get something unless you pay, and when you pay you realize it’s not to the best quality! Oh good old U.S. of A.‘s economy working at it’s finest. I wonder if they get them made in China…

Fuck it, I just can’t wait to get it just so I wont have to carry around this lame ass piece of paper saying they were too damn lazy to print the license out right there on the spot at the Department of Motor Vehicles while I was waiting…

We here at eNVy constantly hear things like “so and so’s mother is a slut” and “so and so’s mom is fat” and “so and so’s mother performs fellatio on North Virginia for 10 dollars and also offers ‘Early John’ discounts.” a fad only further provoked by shows like John and Kate.
Many people believe that reading all this in supermarket tabloids and People Magazine is a good way to determine who’s mother is more popular, however, this information is completely baseless and irrational!
That is why we hired Dr. Chicane of the South Hampton Institute of Technology, who has decided to help us (for a hefty fee) come up with a true statistic showing who’s mother is in fact more popular.
After three weeks of research and hours of number crunching, Dr. Chicane was arrested. It turns out that he was actually a mob doctor, and wasn’t even really a doctor at all since his diploma was in English litetarure.
So we decided to throw this together with information gathered from twttrpoop.com.
According to twitter, the most popular mom, in first place with 2624 people talking about her simultaneously, Your Mom! that’s right, Your Mom! And I’m not surprised, considering how much she puts out, and at what low prices! In second place, unfortunately, with a mere 1472 people simultaniously talking about her is my mom. This may be due to her overall low appearance and her “rolls of fatty fat fat skin.” Third place (which really surprised me) with a grand total of 1500 people twitting (tweeting, twiting, tweting, or twating, whatever!) is HER mom, thats right, now that that bitch has broken up with you, you can talk about her mom and it will all be true! Let’s Face it, research says that much of our personality is genetic, that’s why she’s such a fucking slut, because her mom is a fucking slut! In Fourth place is It’s mom (or dad) we really couldn’t tell what “it” was, but It’s mom did give birth to it, so we assume it’s mom is in fact a female, and the mother.

If you would like to know more about twttrpoop and the complicated reasearch it does along side NASA (not that NASA, National Association for Sex and Sodomy) please visit twttrpoop.com