Describing something as extreme and suicidal isn’t the same as describing it as extremely suicidal…
such is the case in cults.. and cute puppies
Cults suck dick, they’re all crazy lunatic bastards whom of which have ‘daddy’ issues with Him.
If you ever find yourself in a situation where you magically wound up in a mass cult suicide meeting, here are a few tips on how you can survive.
- Try to avoid eye contact with any of the other members as this will result in you being spotted from the rest and attacked from all angles.
- Just remember to not drink the Kool-Aide and you’ll be fine.
- And finally.. well, I don’t know what else…
Awesome,!! do you folks know what I just realized? I had an epiphany… Want me to tell you? You sure? I don’t think you’re really that sure.. Or that you even care.. OK! I’ll tell you anywayz!
FUCKING VAMPIRES ARE ZOMIBES!!!
That’s right! fucking vampires are technically considered dead, so they’re fucking zombies man!! Fucking great! Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse I come around and ruin your day! Yup… Better make modifications to those zombie plans folks, as they need to compensate for a bloodthirsty bloodsucker sucking you off. (yea.. I just made a sex joke…)…
Masturbation is key to a healthy lifestyle. It’s a personal choice. To some, if you do it, you will go to hell, but to me, if i don’t do it, my life will be hell. Ctrl is the rate of which you finish.. it’s also the rate at which you develop blisters on you hand. If they get infected, don’t worry! There is nothing to fear! Threre is always the plastic bag method! Just get a bag, use lube and smack that monkey!
But masturbation is bad. It leads to… Aww, fuck this…
Hello, my name is Smilie, and I’m a masturbation-aholic… or some shit like that…
Yes, I am addicted to masturbation… I don’t like it (well maybe just a little) and I certainly don’t tell zebobbybird when I’m doing it at two in the morning because I want to lol and gross him out.
Ahh yes, the ‘ol masturbation trick again. I raise my cup to thee in celebration of what is to cum come onto some bitch’s face n’ shit. From soft-core to XhardXcoreX pr0nz, they’re all the same and they all lead up to the climax in the story line… (lol, pun). Anywho, masturbation is gr34t! It releases stress and makes you last longer before fucking. And sometimes you don’t have an hour or two to fuck around, heck, sometimes you might just have a minute or two to play with yourself (Xbox, that is). And lets not forget about the quick and easy cleanup, boy oh boy is it quick and easy, especially with the banana peel method (which just so happens to hold #1 spot in my top 10 list). This method sure is handy when you want to eat something healthy and you want to get a good workout.
Which then reminds me of a game. It’s not a difficult game to play (unlike that piece of shit Modern Gayfuckstupid 2) and any number of people can join in. If you don’t know what it is well you’re in luck! It’s called the waffle game. Oh yes, the waffle game. Sound intimidating? No? Well it’s not easy to win… or lose for that matter. The object of the game is to get a waffle, form a circle with some friends, and start beating your meat and cumming on the waffle. The way you lose is you’re the last one to cum, therefore, the loser must eat the cum infested waffle at that moment. Sound fun? Well it is! And it sure as hell beats the bore of basking and marinating in your own discharge by yourself for a few moments
(I know this for a fact!).
If you follow these easy steps, you’ll be on your way to be masturbation free in no time!
Step 1: Find attractive female.
Step 2: Approach female. (this can be a little difficult for some)
Step 3: Befriend female.
Step 4: Ask female out on date (if female=1 go to 5, if female=0 repeat from step 1)
Step 5: Take her out on dinner
Step 6: After dinner invite her back to your place. (note, female might invite you to her place.
(If fail, repeat from step 1).
Step 7: Ask her if she would like to come in for a cup of coffee… or tea… or crumpets… or whatever tickles your scrotum fancy.
Step 8: (this is where it doesn’t matter if she accepts or denies) If she accepts, then it’s mission complete. But if she denies, then ask her if that rag in your pocket smells like chloroform, then it’s mishun compl3t3!
Enjoy sex!
But if all else fails, then the program has failed… but wait! The system is perfect! Therefore it was human error, you got a 404 on that shit. Then you can just masturbate, it doesn’t really matter at this point, or open up your ports and start all over…
… I need to go to an MA meeting now…
Fuck… fuck, fuck, fuck…
So today I recently found out that technology sucks ass, balls, and hairy vagina’s. The reason for this is because you can’t get away in life without being thrown into the slammer for a simple DDOS program, or for having a terabyte worth of pirated programs, CP, and music… my copy of M$ Win. VII isn’t pirated, I just got a great deal on it for $30!… And not to mention all of the fucking updates… We should be able to time travel, back to a time where there was no technology and not a care in the world. Back to the Stone Age (that being the time before the internet… some time around the ’70s… back in ‘namm), a time where no one had to worry about catching a virus for searching around for some pr0nz, and you could do all the drugs that your body could take, and fuck any bitch that you wanted, a time before malware and other shit like that… Anywayz, back to the real issue at hand… Blasphemy! Ludicrous efforts from M$ to jew us out of your moniez!! Aahhh! Those fuckers… They’re going to pay, fuck that shit, SACRIFICE TIME!!!! Yeah! Yippee! Walk into a church while mass is in session with a baby goat (also known as a kid… yea…), take that sucker up to the altar, slit it’s throat, draw a fat pentagram in the center of the place with its spewing blood, and start chanting demoniacally, that way you’ll get labeled as a heretic for sure! Excommunication here we come!
Well to start off, everyone, absolutely everyone likes ice cream… and hookers. Ok good, glad to see that we’re all on the same page. To start off (again) I like hookers ice cream as much as the next guy, you know, you can pour chocolate syrup all over it’s luscious humps and bumps if it’s on a sunda-y-e. Now to start off (yes… again…) I would just like to say that this would really make for an interesting story, if it were true. It seems today that there a millions upon millions, upon zillions, upon billions (no, not really) of different flavors of ice cream… and hookers. They all have a distinct flavor smell, texture, firmness and viscosity… Yes, I did just combine the hooker and ice cream explanation into one… Not to mention they don’t all cost the same. From the cheap $1 vanilla chocolate swirl you get at the gas station to the expensive top quality professional hooker that still charges you 1K even though you never got to finish, they all have the same end result. Such result leaves you wanting for more… Some even like ice cream with nuts the size of crushed up walnuts… Leaving me with and unpleasant image in my head…
So a couple of weekends ago Zebobbybird and I went to da theaters and shit to watch Zombieland!! It was the shit! Or should I say the half eaten brains!
So the movie started off all tight and shit (like a vagina) by introducing the main character (a cliché used by many of people and shit…) and he gets attacked by zombies. Oh yea, I almost forgot, the intro to it is pretty awesome. It’s a montage of bitches (not females, just people in general) getting attacked by zombies (OMG the living dead!!) in slow motion, and it’s awesome… Any who, the main character is at a gas station and shit refueling hos motive of transportation, when all of a sudden HE GETS ATTACKED BY A ZOMBIE! and then more soon follow and shit.
Well what I really liked about this feature film was that it was pretty obvious from the beginning (well I realized it after it was over… ok the next day…) that this movie had no real structure to the plot. He (the main character, lets call him Joe) meets up with this totally bad ass Republican who likes his Caddie (lets call him republican…) and starts on a journey of a lifetime… more like the end of life… time? Well he goes to the store and meets up with this hot bitch (yes, a female this time…) whom of which he wants to fuck… hard… in the vagina… and maybe the mouth… And she has a sister… but she’ll be dead soon (that sister part wasn’t related with the fucking because she’s a lot younger… and that’s wrong) and shit, well she’s not really going to die, I just put that in there for dramatic effect and shit yo! and shit. Fuck I don’t want to type this shit anymore. I just had some Jack ‘n da Box and it’s 3 in the ante-meridian and I want to go to sleep. I had a spicy chicken sandwich with some regular fries and a medium Dr. Pepps with da no diamonds that float… (because they thought back then that diamonds were ice that sunk…) Well goodnight!
