eNVy Comics!

I would like to apologize for the fact that our website has been dead for nearly a month. I wish i could say it was because i was busy, or because we had issue with our server, but really…

We just got really lazy.

There, Happy?

Now if you have nothing better to do, check out our other side projects. The links are available to your right. If you know how to edit a Wikipedia page, then head on over to TheMericaPedia and write up something funny.

On Monday, a Colorado school was locked down after a female student was shot nearby. We only read the headline and the article summary, but since now is the season when most are released, we will ignorantly blame violent video games.

On Tuesday, Lester Warner, an 86 year old cancer patient who was in a very fragile state decided to stop all treatment, leave the hospital, and instead go hunting with his 51 year old son in 19 degree weather. Not only did Lester come back down alive, but he brought a massive buck down with him. Because of the man’s fragile state, his son, Brian, took a reclining chair up the mountain for his father to sit in while they waited. We assume that hauling the chair into the woods was much easier than hauling some of their heavier equipment, including two massive brass balls.

On Wednesday:
Our investigative staff reports that they were unable to use their MasterCard in online markets to buy things they didn’t need, with money they didn’t have from sources they couldn’t trust. We bleieve that the Denial O’ Service attack on MasterCard and Visa was caused by hackitivists supporting WikiLeaks. We wanted to add another joke here, but I thought making a urine joke about WikiLeaks’ name would be immature.

Bri’ish actress Helen Mirren insulted Hollywood, claiming that the producers of many major films worship the 18 to 25 year old male audience penises. In retort, 4chan users responded by saying “Helen, Tits or GTFO!”

On Thursday, an Angsty teenager carved a V for Vampire on his tied up victim. From what we understand, the victim has never seen any of the Hannibal movies.

Since the last bit was below our already low standards…
On Thursday, Joe Straus, a republican conservative jewish man who is currently Speaker of the Texas House of Representatives came under fire from other conservatives. The opposition claims that they voted for a conservative christian legislation and would prefer a christian speaker. This of course once again proves that experience in politics is useless if you don’t have the same imaginary friend.

On Thursday, Joe Straus, a republican conservative jewish man who is currently Speaker of the Texas House of Representatives came under fire from other conservatives. The opposition claims that they voted for a conservative christian legislation and would prefer a christian speaker. Its not that they have anything against jewish people, its simply that he is not christian enough.

On Thursday, Jim Morrison, lead singer for the Doors was pardoned for a 1969 Indecent Exposure charge. “Thank You” is what Jim Morrison would say if he wasn’t already dead.

On Friday,
The website eNVy Comics creates a new weekly segment detailing important weekly news of the week. Even though the actual article is not published until monday.

This has been Week In Review, all your latest headlines, one week after you stopped giving a crap.

On a related note, sorry for the slow updates, i was gonna make up an excuse, but then i got lazy.

Today the republicans mildly surprised everyone when they announced that they would be blocking all bills and legislation from passing in the senate unless democrats agreed to extend the tax cuts. A very grownup move by the GOP who are trying to prove some sort of point. At this rate, about five years from now, they are going to say that you are not their real parents, and then run up to their headquarters and lock the doors.
On the upside, the tax cuts are now guaranteed to be extended, which, for thousands of families across America, will guarantee low taxes in an economic recession. However for those who are unemployed, its not really gonna make that much of a difference since they have no income and have probably been evicted out of their house by now. But for millions hundreds of wealthy Americans, their taxes will not be extended, guaranteeing prosperity for America, if not the whole country at least that top one percent.
Though the news may have come as a shock to some people, the reports are really not that surprising. It is the same old thing they have been doing since TheBlack Obama took office.
See, by simply voting NO on everything, they can say that the Democrats have done nothing while in office, thereby giving the appearance that the democrats are ineffective, and will then be voted out of office. In reality, however, it is not that the democrats have not tried to make changes, but that they are simply stopped by enough “Nays” at the vote.
That is what they plan on doing now, except this time around they had the courtesy to tell you that they are stubborn.

Well, as you all know, that energy booze Four Loko is being banned all over the place. In case you have been bingeing on coffeebeer for the past few days and don’t even remember your name or happen to be very old, Four loko (translation: Cuatro Crazy) is a caffeinated energy beverage that has an alcohol content of about 12%, which about twice as much as a beer per ounce.

The FDA drink pyramid recommends 12 servings of Four Loko a day.

These men would be typical Four Loko drinkers, if they werent dead and/or bankrupt.

This is something that should be applied across the board when it comes to Nanny laws. We need to get rid of stupid people, and killing them would just be crazy. Instead, we should just let those lemurs jump off that metaphorical cliff by letting them drinking four loko and paint thinners. As long as these actions cause no loss or harm to third parties (funeral homes and county coroners excluded) then there is nothing wrong with letting them die.