Show some love:

Four Loko

23 November 2010, 23:40

Well, as you all know, that energy booze Four Loko is being banned all over the place. In case you have been bingeing on coffeebeer for the past few days and don’t even remember your name or happen to be very old, Four loko (translation: Cuatro Crazy) is a caffeinated energy beverage that has an alcohol content of about 12%, which about twice as much as a beer per ounce.

Six cans of four loko drinking beverage are arranged in pyramidal fashion.
The FDA drink pyramid recommends 12 servings of Four Loko a day.

As i said before, many states are banning this beverage because of its high alcohol content, risk of causing heart problems, and because they have the power to do so. Now personally, i think the concept of such a beverage is ridiculous. It is about as dangerous as Grape Drank; anyone with a working thinking apparatus would recognize the beverage as a danger, and avoid it. That is exactly why we should NOT ban it. See, the typical consumer of Four Loko is, to put it kindly, most likely inbred or brain dead. These are the same guys that get a second DUI before the trial date for his first DUI. These are the same guys that try to get high off of markers, and put up stupid videos of themselves getting hurt on youtube.

UGK, a rap duo well known for singing about, and then dieing from, Grape Drank consumption. If they were alive today, they would likely enjoy four loko on a semi-regular basis. Sonic the hedgehog, who happens to be blue and very fast, is collecting golden rings, likely to pawn them for dope money.
These men would be typical Four Loko drinkers, if they werent dead and/or bankrupt.

As hilarious as these videos of guys blowing up watermelons with gasoline are, the fact is they are not adept to live in the modern world. In fact, these guys are the guys who “hook up” with “the beezies” and dont bring “no rubber, yo.” That means that they impregnate these “beezies” and pass down their stupid. BUT if we let them drink Four Loko, they are that much more likely to die of alcohol poisoning or something related. The sooner they die, the less likely they are to reproduce and the less likely they are to contaminate the human gene-pool with their stupidity if it has a genetic cause.

This is something that should be applied across the board when it comes to Nanny laws. We need to get rid of stupid people, and killing them would just be crazy. Instead, we should just let those lemurs jump off that metaphorical cliff by letting them drinking four loko and paint thinners. As long as these actions cause no loss or harm to third parties (funeral homes and county coroners excluded) then there is nothing wrong with letting them die.

Zebobbybird, Editor and Administrator (of pain)



Complain about this article, n shit!

None of the Fields are Required. If you wish you may omit or use false information. All message require admin approval before they are posted online; all spam will be fed to the knights of the round table.

Website © 2009/2010/2011/2012 zebobbybird, mr.smilie, HVG, Primsu and/or Esquil, but mostly zebobbybird.

Also, we promise to stop making jokes about acute lesbianitis, we now recognize that it is a very serious disease.

eNVy Comics and all its content is proudly made in Nevaduhr Nevaderp Nevada!