Due to the recent enslaving of our writing staff by our lovable alien overlords, we will not publish our typical April Fool’s joke this year as our masters and ever caring overlords say that it is not part of their culture and find it offensive. They say that instead we should celebrate Kalanue (Overlordy for War Rape), a holiday that they would celebrate on alternating April 2nd, where the Kaiser (elected unquestionable leader) of our masters, the Overlords, would spin a globe, and declare war on a smaller nation, and not call the troupes back until every last SwineHound (enemy of the Kaiser) was raped violently.
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