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TheMerica: Arizona (colon) God's State!

6 July 2010, 01:57

By now i am assuming you have heard about Arizona Law SB 1070, also known by the liberal media pansies as so called “Arizona Law SB 1070.” Now other states plan on joining the band wagon, and now people have gone crazy with protest. LA, CA is boycotting Arizona’s products, and people have started to boycott Arizona Steel and related companies, Arizona Cardinals, and New York based Arizona Tea. But is the law as bad as everyone thinks it is? We here at envy comics fear that the issue is not that the law is to strict, quite the contrary, we feel it doesnt go far enough.

Lets face it, most hispanioles come from countries that are less god fearing than we are, and as we all know, the american constitution and its amendments, including the ten commandments also known as the bill of rights are based on this religious doctrine. Therefore if you are not a god loving christian, you do not get this fair protection (thats right, you dont get freedom of religion if you aren’t christian) and you definitely dont even get basic human rights if you are here illegally. (Vote for SB1092, legalize water boarding for illegals.) Clearly, once we establish that these issues are no longer an issue, we can do all sorts of things with the law. Thats why i present to you this five step program to improve the arizona law. These should be voted into law immediately

The Five Steps to Recovery
Step one: Identification
We must identify illegals quickly, even if it means giving up a few rights of our own, because as we all know, atleast 50% or more have never been involved in some other crime other than illegally being in the country. By this logic we can assume that the other 50% are hardened criminals who will without a doubt rape you the moment they see you then try to sell your kids drugs then try to tag your house with all sorts of graffiti then add insult to injury by burning down the house they just vandalized and stealing your car. Then aborting your rape baby and trying to sell it drugs. This means we must identify them quickly. In order to do this, we have compiled a list of 7 traits that identify these hardened criminals who WILL KILL your BABIES if you let them.
a. Does He watch soccer?
b. Does he speak spanish?
c. Does he work as a day labourer?
d. Does he drink Corona (instead of either Miller, Bud, or Coors?)
e. Does he have more than two children
f. Does the cross of Jesus, or the depiction of the Last Super hang in his dining room?
g. Does he look Mexican?
Once you have appropriately identified you subject as mexican, or some other kind of beaner, it is time to move onto the next step in the law that i am proposing.
To ease identification for later, it is best that we mark them with a serial number tattoos that are nearly 100% permanent and therefore tracking and identification will become much easier. Things such as passing laws requiring them to wear flags or pins of their native flags on their clothing will also ease identification.

Step Two: Notification
It is important that you notify your local authorities, or better yet, your local Minutmen so that they can be safely isolated from the area before they employ their self defense systems. (Research indicates it can be anything from sharp stingers in their posterior to spitting and bleeding a horrible acid substance that kills you and spreads like a virus. or possibly just running, i dont know, we dont have the funds for this kind of research.) By law it will be required that you do report them, or else face sedition charges.

Step Three: Isolation/Detention
The individual are obviously dangerous and must be detained, once they are they can be brought to a safer location where they can roam in an open range freely with more of their species within a contained area for safe housing. This area much like a recreational camping area will guarantee isolation from us normal people, and therefore will prevent the spread of acid virus disease.

Step Four: Supply, Labour, and, Costs
Eventually, these people will cost too much money to contain within pens, and human corpse disposal is effective but very costly. And some may say “we can deport them,” Well, sure we can deport them, but with rising gas prices, is that such a good idea? As such, we have to create an environment that is self contained. This way, we can cut off all external food supply, and let them to fend for themselves within this confined environment, its just like going camping. Roughing it out in the wild, while hundreds of armed soldiers watch your every move. However, within this system, there is a problem. A commune is created inside these camping sites, and that sounds just a little too much like communism to me. We are a capitalist country, and i’ll kill before i let it go red! Which brings me to step five.

Step Five: Profit!
There is a profit to be made in just about everything, don’t believe me? Just go to your local Home DePot and buy a sack of rocks. But once you purchase this sack of rocks, you don’t want to risk hurting yourself hauling it around the store all day, do you? And once you get this mighty big sack home that’s bursting, who is going to spread it’s contents all over the lawn? This is one of those moments where an unpaid servant would come in handy. Because many of the day labourers have now disappeared, we now have a huge demand for cheap, or better yet, free labour. Thats where step five of this plan comes in, now we get these illegals in our recreational camp sites to stop recreating and start procreating. We get some third party corporation to oversee these procreation camps, and sell the immigrants either at auction or through a commodities exchange market for profit. Why these free workers can easily solve all of America’s problems. While we sit and bask, our crops will be cut and processed for us at unreasonably low prices, leading to a new era of American prosperity.

Zebobbybird, Editor and Administrator (of pain)



Use this to critisize, judge and insult us

  1. Are you fuckn kidding me?
    R u serious?

    — Bigguns · 6 July, 03:07 am · #

  2. Its satire, dickshit.

    zebobbybird · 6 July, 03:07 am · #

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