Show some love:

Atheist Faq

22 September 2010, 16:51

Despite dictionaries being available at every book retailer, encyclopedias available at every public library, and gigabytes of information available on the subject online (along with terabytes of sexy sexy porn) many still have the wring idea of what atheism actually is. Because i’m tired of answering these questions individually, and im very lazy, i have decided to create an atheist FACK. We call it FACK instead of FAQ because we usually dont get this stuff as questions, but mostly in derogatory statements. So instead of Frequently Asked Questions, we bring you a list of Frequently Affirmed Counterfactual Knowledge. But for the hell of keeping things uniform, we will keep this like a faq q&a.

Q: Is Atheism a religion?
A: No it’s not. A religion is organized and has some sort of structured belief or worship system. We have no belief in a god or gods and have no system of worship. We don’t go to atheist church on sunday or anything like that. Atheism simply means you don’t believe in god or gods.

Q: Why do atheists hate God?
A: We don’t hate god, we simply think he doesn’t exist. However many of us do hate religion, and many of us are simply neutral and accepting towards it. Since atheists are just people who do not believe in gods, we don’t have a unified belief system and are free to hate or enjoy what we want. This includes religion and holidays.

Q: You have no morals!
A: That wasn’t really a question, was it?
Q: No not really…
A: Can you rephrase that into a question?
Q: is it true that atheists have no morals?
A: Its false. We do have morals, they just arent based on a religious text. My morals, for instance are based on a set of rules and moral and cultural standards that are in place to promote the well being of the species in general. So, murdering someone would mean we have one less human and that is bad. Stealing would cause harm to a third party, and that is bad. Etc. We do have morals.

Q: Why are atheists so unhappy?
A: We find ourselves in the minority of a population. Fact is, we only make up at the most 16% of the american populace, while christians make up well over half. But most of us dont pick sides when it comes to religion, so really, its the atheists, and then every religion. So its a ratio of 16/84. of course we would be upset, when a large number of the population absolutely hates us. We can’t get elected into public office if word gets around that we are atheist. We are frowned upon by many.

Q: Is it true that you believe in reincarnation?
A: Though i guess technically, you can believe in reincarnation and not believe in god, we typically do not believe in such nonsense.

Q: So if god didn’t make you, then who did?
A: sigh Sometimes, when a mommy and a daddy love eachother very very much… or went drinking heavily after prom, they decide to violently fuck each other. The man ejaculates into the woman’s vagina and then the sperm travels into the the uterus and goes into one of the woman’s eggs. The egg is then fertilized and turns into a cell with a full set of DNA. This cell then splits in half, with both halves now having a full set of the genes, and then they split in half, and they split in half, and they split in half… didnt your parents teach you this shit? Man no wonder you are so damn ignorant!

Q: Well, who made them?
A: Idunno. We can’t really know for sure without more research. Now if only, a certain group of people who like fairy tales would let us do some research, we might be able to find out for sure.

Q: Is it true that you worship satan?
A: Satan doesnt exist, so… no.

Q: How many of you sell your souls to satan on average?
A: None… Satan doesnt exist.

Q: How many times a week do you sacrifice babies?
A: None… why the hell would we sacrifice babies?

Q: Because you worship satan!
A: We don’t worship satan, as far as we are concerned, satanism is a branch of christianity. God doesnt exist and neither does satan.

Q: But then… I believe god is real, and so is satan. So by that logic…. you must either side with god or with satan… therefore you worship satan.
A: Ugh!! We don’t believe satan exists! Besides, even if your two imaginary friends were real, isnt there some grey area i could pick from? Say… like, you know picking a candidate? Like, maybe those who are into sodomy and god hating could vote satan and those who dont like getting laid ever could pick god.

Q: So you do worship satan.

Q: Fuck you, your going to hell and your going to burn there for eternity!!!
A: Thats not even a question and hell doesnt even exis — You know what, screw it, i tried… im done.

Read this

im going home.

Zebobbybird, Editor and Administrator (of pain)



Use this to critisize, judge and insult us

None of the Fields are Required. If you wish you may omit or use false information. All message require admin approval before they are posted online; all spam will be fed to the knights of the round table.

Website © 2009/2010/2011/2012 zebobbybird, mr.smilie, HVG, Primsu and/or Esquil, but mostly zebobbybird.

Also, we promise to stop making jokes about acute lesbianitis, we now recognize that it is a very serious disease.

eNVy Comics and all its content is proudly made in Nevaduhr Nevaderp Nevada!