Lets talk about something serious for once. RAPE. But i dont mean any of that man-who-always-wears-hoody-overcoat-and-no-pants-walks-around-parks-and-stalks-women at night kind of rape. Nor do i mean any of that gay man on man prison rape. I’m talking about stab the shit out of her ovaries and traumatically inseminates them rape.

Believe it or not, thats what bedbugs do.

See, today, i found a small bump on my hand, and feared that it was a bed bug bite. (later i discovered it was just a zit) So i decided to look up bedbugs online. Deeper i went reading about their behavior, until i came to the wikipedia section that talked about how they reproduced. Bedbugs mate in the most unusual way. See while other species (such as bottle-nosed dolphins) simply gang up on the females (much like human nosed humans) and proceed to rape them, bedbugs are a little bit more hardcore than dolphins and gang bangers.

Bedbugs, do a thing called Traumatic Insemination, as mentioned above. Essentially, what these little buggers do is rather than just mating with the female and ejaculating in the genital tract, they actually stab the female in the abdomen while mating. They then take there penis and inject the semen and ejaculate directly into the female’s hemolymph, which is kind of like their blood. the sperm then travels through the open circulatory system until it hits the ovaries.

But it doesnt end there either! In some species, male on male traumatic jizzing also happens, and nobody really knows why.

But you think bedbugs are the only little creepy bastards that do that? NO! Harpactea spiders and certain sea-slugs do it too.

That’s right my friends, bugs are creepy little pricks with… well creepy little pricks. Even without all that traumatic fertilization, there are more creatures that often rape the females. The diving bell spiders will often try to drown the female until she copulates with the male. In water beetles (not to be confused with yellow submarine beetles) there is an extremely high incidence of rape, with absolutely no courting system. This is also true in some birds, such as the blue winged teal and the white fronted bee eater. There is even a reported case of a duck raping a female in flight, then crashing into a window and having sex with her dead body.

Well, thank you for reading all of this crap. Next time (if there is one) we’ll talk about the wonderful world of insect cannibalism, and whip tailed lizards lezzing out.