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Wikipedia Vs. Conservapedia (Really‽)

5 August 2009, 02:32

Warning This article cointains links of an offensive nature, many feature nudity and anatomy. All of these links are from online encyclopedias. If you are easily offended and have complete dissregard for the educational, though sensitive content of said articles, please do not click on the links.

Ever heard on Conservapedia? Neither had, but today i had a revelation of a religious sort. For years I had been reading articles on Wikipedia, and had often been horrified by their content. Often pages had content of bad taste that was often uncalled for, for instance, when i looked up Fingering (related to the act of pressing keys on an instrument) and i clicked the disambiguation link that led to the sex act, i was appalled by what i saw! There was a cartoon image, and a few lines below, a sketch of what fingering looks like! Why i was so disgusted by this image that i had to lock my door and stare at the picture angrily for nearly five minutes! (actually it was closer to like two and a half minutes…)
This isn’t the first time i see first hand the disgust of Wikipedia. Why, just last week i looked up steamer, referring to Stanley Steamer, and what was at the bottom of the disambiguation page? CLEAVLAND STEAMER!! why, i was again so appalled that i had to just open the link and again contemplate everything that is wrong with it!! This time i was so frustrated that i was only able to contemplate said page for about half a minute! And again this happened when i was looking up the “Hanky Code” and urolagnia was on that page! I was so upset that i had to go straight to Peterland, my all-time favorite bar, wearing a yellow handkerchief on my right side pocket, to talk about everything that was wrong with the Wikipedia article. Thats why today, i was happy to find Conservapedia!
Conservapedia, unlike Wikipedia, takes a conservative All-Themerican look at the articles created. Unlike Wikipedia, it doesn’t have citation needed all over its pages, so long as your source is GOD you article is good. There is no need for scientific proof, because according to the bible, the earth is only a couple thousand years old, and carbon dating cant prove shit. It doesn’t matter if Uncyclopedia describes Conservapedia as “kind of like Uncyclopedia, only less accurate” because we all know that the bible is the most accurate book ever written without a single part of that book ever being proved wrong. ever. Not even that tidbit about the sun revolving around the earth, or that other thing about the earth being flat. I know what most people think, and many of you know what i think. My Opinion on dictionaries and encyclopedias is this: If it does not define “Fuck,” it’s probably not a reliable source. But Conservapedia doesn’t even acknowledge fuck. After pages of searching i can’t seem to find a single use of the word fuck! It’s like it doesn’t even exist! I would not expect any less from “the trust worthy encyclopedia,” Because that is exactly what i like in my encyclopedia, censorship. I love it, just like the for-profit chinese Baidu. i just love it.
I also like how it selectively shows content, Religulouse gets two sentences, Sex (including reproduction, organs, etc.) has only 3 articles. Rush Limbaugh’s page does not have anything relating to criticism or hate speech, and instead shows a “Poking Fun at Obama” section. Because when someone says they hate your guts and want you to fail, they are merely poking fun and not trying to insult. I also like the fact that if you look up gay, rather than being taken to a page that has the word’s definition, history and usage, you are taken directly to a page that talks about the “immoral” gay lifestyle.The article then links to homosexuality articles, and gay bomb, that’s right, gay bomb, a bomb that makes the enemy gay. Because we all know that a gay enemy is a dead enemy. wait, no, a gay enemy is a weak enemy No, wait, a gay enemy is a… well… i guess it doesn’t really matter, i mean, no offense to straight men, but straight men don’t really seem to work out that much (I’ve worked out ONCE). It seems that there is more gay guys that are in really good shape all buff and stuff in gyms than there is straight men. After all, Gym in Greek meant nude, as in nude men. I also like the fact that all liberals and famous gay people are somehow communist or socialist. Most articles that point out commies and socialists then compare them to Mussolini and communist china. I also like that the birth place of obama is shown as “allegedly Honolulu.” You can learn so much from this website.

I learned something today, and its all thanks to Conservapedia. Today i learned that Homosexuals are very violent domestic partners, even though every single case of partner abuse or violence i ever heard about on the news or read about in the paper, including fox news, are between straight couples. It also says that homosexuals have much lower mental health, claiming that they are at higher risk for suicide and depression, but I’m sure that has nothing to do with all the criticism they get from us god loving wwjd christians.
I also learned that atheists are also more likely to suffer from schizophrenia, I mean, who doesn’t know an atheist that is always talking about how his imaginary friend told him to go to war, or how his imaginary friend told him to hate people because of their lifestyle.

I’m going to wrap this up now because it is getting long, but before i do, I must say, this is by far the most 100% accurate all true 100% all beef patty Themerican website i have ever seen.
Normally, i would cite my sources and link to the web page i am talking about, but since i so strongly support Conservapedia’s policies on not linking to websites that may be harmful or offensive, i will not link to Conservapedia. You can just Google it, or look it up on Wikipedia or the much more reliable Uncyclopedia.

Zebobbybird, Editor and Administrator (of pain)



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