My Fellow Americans, a horrible trend has entered the united states in recent years. And that is the dechristianization of the holiday season! it seems like every day less and less children leave cookies out for jesus christ on the holiday, and instead leave them for the fat man in the red. There are 3 major things we need to talk about here. 1. DeChristianization and how to stop it. 2. What Christmas is really about. 3. The Santa Clause.
1. DeChristianization
It seems that the country as a whole has lost its christian values, especially during the holiday season. Everywhere i go, i see jews and atheists, offending our lord, jesus “el selvador” christ, if that is his real name. The jews dont bend over for the son of god born of a virgin woman how they are supposed to! and this makes god angry! Everywhere i go, i see atheists, doing nothing. just enjoying time with their family, and giving children pressents, donating money to organizations like unicef, instead of giving all your money to the church like you are supposed to! They decide to spend time with their families, instead of going to church for 6 hours like all us real christians, and frankly im tired of it. which leads me to my next point.
2. What Christmas is really about.
No matter what anyone tells you, christmas is not about spending time with friends or family, or the ones you love, or the ones who love you in a hotel room for a certain monetary exchange or simply being a good sam. No, its about much more than that. its about Jesus! but lets face it, we can’t force people to go to church, thats the governments job. so we make legislation forcing all of us to go to church 8 hours a day, like a full time job. this way, we are now spening 16 hours a day busy, but wwait, there is more! we also sleep 8 hours a day, leaving our 24 hour day full. This of course means that we now have absolutely no time to spend with our family, that is why there is one other thing that christmas is about. The Presents. Yes, Capitalism is here to save the day! Since we no longer have time to spend with our family, we show them we love them by spending all our cold hard cash on presents, supporting our booming economy (despite what those Obamists and democrats say.) and helping us defeat the communists over in russia. Speaking of communist trash, that takes me to my third and final point.
3. The Santa Clause.
If you ever take a look at our constitution, you will notice that there are some interesting clauses. we have a freedom of speech clause, a 3/5ths clause and a completely uneeded “women’s rights to vote” clause. But no where in there do we see a Santa Clause. that is because, santa is not american. he is a goddamned red! thats right he is a communist, helping out the evil lenin empires that supporty social health care such as england and canada. As proof, i bring to you xzibit. xzibit? fuck that shit example A. The Red! he wears red, a sign of cummunism, and what type of coat does he wear? a russian coat, that is right, his dress is similar to some russian noblewear in ancient times. and what does the fat man do? He uses hard work and labour (owns the means of production) to share toys with the kids (distribution of the wealth) and if that isnt communism, i dont know what is!
In conclusion, my fellow americans. We need to get rid of everything santa-ish, and replace it with jesus-ish stuff. So next year, dont have your kid’s picture taken with a loveable old man, get your kids picture taken with a man hainging from a cross bleeding to death slowly soaked in vinegar.
