zebobbybird@[name ommited] $ fortune
Q: How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. We’ll fix it in software.
Q: How many system programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The application can work around it.
Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. We’ll document it in the manual.
Q: How many tech writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The user can figure it out.
zebobbybird@[name ommited] $ fortune
Well, anyway, I was reading this James Bond book, and right away I realized
that like most books, it had too many words. The plot was the same one that
all James Bond books have: An evil person tries to blow up the world, but
James Bond kills him and his henchmen and makes love to several attractive
women. There, that’s it: 24 words. But the guy who wrote the book took
thousands of words to say it.
Or consider “The Brothers Karamazov”, by the famous Russian alcoholic
Fyodor Dostoyevsky. It’s about these two brothers who kill their father.
Or maybe only one of them kills the father. It’s impossible to tell because
what they mostly do is talk for nearly a thousand pages. If all Russians talk
as much as the Karamazovs did, I don’t see how they found time to become a
major world power.
I’m told that Dostoyevsky wrote “The Brothers Karamazov” to raise
the question of whether there is a God. So why didn’t he just come right
out and say: “Is there a God? It sure beats the heck out of me.”
Other famous works could easily have been summarized in a few words:
- “Moby Dick” — Don’t mess around with large whales because they symbolize nature and will kill you.
- “A Tale of Two Cities” — French people are crazy. — Dave Barry
Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.
Q: What do you call a WASP who doesn’t work for his father, isn’t a
lawyer, and believes in social causes?
A: A failure.
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #31
A: Chicken Teriyaki.
Q: What is the name of the world’s oldest kamikaze pilot?
Are you a turtle?
Q: Why haven’t you graduated yet?
A: Well, Dad, I could have finished years ago, but I wanted
my dissertation to rhyme.
You’re being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
Q: Why did the astrophysicist order three hamburgers?
A: Because he was hungry.
An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.
Q: What’s tiny and yellow and very, very, dangerous?
A: A canary with the super-user password.
Q: How many college football players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he gets three credits for it.
and my favourite which is nearly impossible to top
Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One to screw in the light bulb and four to share the
experience. (Actually, Californians don’t screw in
light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.)
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to screw in the light bulb and two to fend off all
those Californians trying to share the experience.
God, how i love to waste valuable serverspace.
